Another thing I have been struggling with lately is the feeling of inadequacy. I don't do enough as a stay-at-home Mom. I don't spend enough one-on-one time with Harper, I don't sew or make my own curtains. I don't have the cleanest house or the latest Mom accessories. It is a lot of pressure when you feel like you have to live up to expectations... others expectations, as well as my OWN expectations! What God said softly to me (again, at the Casting Crowns concert) was "my grace is sufficient." "My grace has given you just enough of what you need, when you need it. You don't have to be super-woman, you don't have to achieve to receive my love or approval."
On that note, since I have a talent in music and I have always enjoyed worshiping in that way, I have decided to start piano lessons again. It has been almost 10 years since I quit lessons, so I need a lot of prayer and practice. I know this is something the Lord has placed a yearning for in my heart once again, so he will make the learning experience successful. My desire is to be able to "chord" on the piano, so I can just about play any worship song. And then to be able to sing while playing the keys will be so full filling. Pray with me on my new journey of self-improvement. Not b/c of the pressures of this world, but truly a desire the Lord has placed in my life. By His grace I will be able to get thru this journey! Especially with a 2 year old who bangs on the keys when I sit down to play!!
3 comments:
Hey, I hope you enjoyed your first day of piano lessons. I am sure you were fabulous! You may feel inadequate at times, but you sure don't seem inadequate to others. If we could ask Harper what he thought, I bet he would say he has the best mommy in the world! You are an amazing mom and he is super lucky to have you! You're doing great :)
Oh Nikki! I'm not sure if your mom stayed home with you and your brother, but one thing I can assure you as a daughter of a stay-at-home mom is, the fact you have given up your ENTIRE life for Harper will always be sufficient enough. I can't tell my mom too many times how much I appreciate all she sacrificed for Ty and I. She gave up her coaching career, which she loved dearly and was very good at, and took a chance that if something were to have gone drastically wrong in her marriage that she would have had to enter the work force with a resume that said 1980-19whatever: Home Maker - not something employers like to see come across their desk. Now luckily for her, my dad was the great man she trusted he was and it all worked out beautifully. But, to know she was willing to take the chance because there was nothing more important to her than to be our mom, is the ultimate sacrifice. So don't feel bad when your house is not spotless, which I know you and I know your house is almost always very clean I'm sure, and don't worry about making sure you have tons of one on one time with your little man. Harper knows you are there and he loves you no matter what. I know I don't live next door, let alone in the same state seeing what goes on in your life everyday, but the one thing I am is an incredible judge of character and the first time I gave Nikki Herndon a hug back in I think '02/03, I knew she had a heart of gold and a love of family. So be proud of yourself Super Mom, because even if you don't feel like it, to Harper the sacrifice you've already made makes you very SUPER. You've already done what any child would ask of their mom, you are ACTUALLY being a mom to Harper instead of a slave to material things and therefore a slave to a second job. You have the hardest job in the world and from the looks of things, you make a pretty darn good CEO!! I love you and I have no doubt Harper loves his mama just the way she is. You are a treasure in our family and I am so proud to call you my cousin-in-law. Now enjoy the heck out of those piano lessons and sing your heart out Beautiful! Much love and many hugs all the way from Texas!!! Taryn
Thanks girls! Love ya'll...
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